God must have been preparing me for what was to come. He drew me to that scripture study on purpose.
Yesterday, the school Baker Acted my daughter. For those of you not in Florida, this means she was involuntarily committed to a mental health facility. They didn't tell me until after they had done it. From what I can gather, she was not upset or violent in any way, but this stemmed from something she wrote in a journal that she shared with her ESE teacher.
They handcuffed her. She is twelve.
After several hours, I was able to see her. She is scared but being very brave. She is very worried that Dan and I are angry with her. When I left her, she was wearing paper clothes, socks they gave her and no shoes. They placed her own clothes in a paper grocery bag, stapled it shut and put her name on it with sharpie. Just another statistic. They wouldn't let me bring her anything last night....no toothbrush, no clothes, not even her "Snuggles" (the bunny rabbit she has slept with since she was born). They say they can keep her up to 72 hours. She is with about 10-12 other children her age. I have no idea what these other children have done, what they are saying to my daughter or how they are treating her. We won't know anything until a doctor sees her sometime today. She will be assessed and then they'll call us. I'm not even sure I can see her today.
As a mother, I am broken. Truly broken. I can't stop crying. Nathan and Olivia are devastated. My 15 year old son ( He'll be 16 tomorrow) sobbed in my arms last night. He asked me if he could keep her "Snuggles" with him last night. My sweet 16 year old boy...connecting with his sister. We are truly going through the fire of refinement right now. God is working. He is moving. He is doing something. I don't mind admitting that I'm not at all sure about this. I have absolutely no idea what to do next.
My God, how did we get here?
Showing posts with label spiritual growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual growth. Show all posts
Friday, September 9, 2016
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Darkness Into Light
"But I will make the blind walk along the road and lead them along paths. I will turn darkness into light before them and rocky places into level tracks. These things I will do, and not leave them undone." -Isaiah 42:16
Isn't it just like God to not leave things undone?
I had a discussion with someone once who told me that darkness doesn't really exist in and of itself. His exact words were, "darkness isn't a real thing". He said that Light is a real thing and that darkness is just the absence of Light. I thought that was an interesting way to look at it. In this way, the emphasis isn't on the darkness, but on the Light.
I think this is profound and what I will ponder today.
Isn't it just like God to not leave things undone?
I had a discussion with someone once who told me that darkness doesn't really exist in and of itself. His exact words were, "darkness isn't a real thing". He said that Light is a real thing and that darkness is just the absence of Light. I thought that was an interesting way to look at it. In this way, the emphasis isn't on the darkness, but on the Light.
I think this is profound and what I will ponder today.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
God IS at work!
It's funny to me how God reveals Himself to me when I bother to slow down and look for Him. As an almost 50 mother of 3 with a full time job, a dog and a husband, I can honestly say that most of the time....I'm tired! So much so that I'm painfully aware of the blessings that I miss because I am mentally and physically exhausted. It doesn't help that I'm overweight or that I have a tendency towards anxiety/panic attacks. It all plays a part in the portrait of my life!
This week, while I dealt with 60 minute car lines (YES, you read that right 6-0!), I had the opportunity for some quiet time, all alone. It is a rarity that I have even 15 minutes to myself, so having 50 to 60 minutes to just sit...and think...and pray...was a wonderful unexpected GIFT from God!
My personality is such that I'm easily annoyed. I let things get under my skin and fester. At some point, the blister bursts and my nastiness spills out all over the place. Many times I regret my words, both written and spoken. Sometimes I even wish I could physically kick myself in the behind! "Nancy, why can't you keep your trap shut?"
About a month ago, I turned over a new leaf. I decided to ask God to help remind me that I don't need all that stress in my life. I wanted the stress to be overridden by the Holy Spirit! I promised myself NOT to let things get me upset and to try and keep my heart ready to receive the gifts that God wanted to give me. HIS GRACES!
He has honored that prayer...a hundred fold! I have talked to Him more in this last month than I have in the last year! I have felt His presence, I have heard His voice (in my heart), I have seen how He loves me and wants me for His own.
This has been a transforming few weeks! I realize that I won't be able to go forever without getting upset and frustrated...but I have learned something (or, rather, re-learned) that my 8th grade teacher, Sr. Madeline Carey, used to tell us everyday......"you are going to get out of something exactly what you are willing to put into it". I've never forgotten those words....never ever! What you give and offer up to God through your love for Him and your desire to be closer to Him, He will repay you in ways you never thought possible! I mean, imagine this....a 50 year old mom waiting in a hot, sticky car line for ONE HOUR (and then still having to return to work to finish out an 8 hour shift) and she didn't get upset, her feathers weren't ruffled in any way...and she managed to use her time wisely to converse with the Creator of the Universe.....and she lives to tell about it!!
This week, while I dealt with 60 minute car lines (YES, you read that right 6-0!), I had the opportunity for some quiet time, all alone. It is a rarity that I have even 15 minutes to myself, so having 50 to 60 minutes to just sit...and think...and pray...was a wonderful unexpected GIFT from God!
My personality is such that I'm easily annoyed. I let things get under my skin and fester. At some point, the blister bursts and my nastiness spills out all over the place. Many times I regret my words, both written and spoken. Sometimes I even wish I could physically kick myself in the behind! "Nancy, why can't you keep your trap shut?"
About a month ago, I turned over a new leaf. I decided to ask God to help remind me that I don't need all that stress in my life. I wanted the stress to be overridden by the Holy Spirit! I promised myself NOT to let things get me upset and to try and keep my heart ready to receive the gifts that God wanted to give me. HIS GRACES!
He has honored that prayer...a hundred fold! I have talked to Him more in this last month than I have in the last year! I have felt His presence, I have heard His voice (in my heart), I have seen how He loves me and wants me for His own.
This has been a transforming few weeks! I realize that I won't be able to go forever without getting upset and frustrated...but I have learned something (or, rather, re-learned) that my 8th grade teacher, Sr. Madeline Carey, used to tell us everyday......"you are going to get out of something exactly what you are willing to put into it". I've never forgotten those words....never ever! What you give and offer up to God through your love for Him and your desire to be closer to Him, He will repay you in ways you never thought possible! I mean, imagine this....a 50 year old mom waiting in a hot, sticky car line for ONE HOUR (and then still having to return to work to finish out an 8 hour shift) and she didn't get upset, her feathers weren't ruffled in any way...and she managed to use her time wisely to converse with the Creator of the Universe.....and she lives to tell about it!!
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