Another Trip Around The Sun

 I turned 60 in January of this year.  I'm trying to come to grips with it.  Sixty.  The average life expectancy for an American female is around 80.  So, to think, on average, I've got about another 20 years left.  TWENTY YEARS!!  How does this happen?  Why does time go by so fast?  I've pretty much completed three quarters of my life.  

I don't feel 60.  Sure, my knees ache.  I'm out of breath with a lot less activity these days (I'm also a lot heavier).  I cry easier, I laugh easier.  I don't sleep as well as I used to.  There were so many things I cared about when I was younger, that I don't even think twice about now.  

I read something today that I wanted to share here:

The bittersweet truth about getting older...

I think about it almost everyday.

Especially since turning 40.

I'm 45 now.  And some days, I can't even look in the mirror without crying.

I don't recognize the reflection anymore.

I grieve the parts of myself I didn't appreciate more when I had them...

the plump skin, the full hair, the shapelier body, the energy.

I thought I had time.

But time speeds up when you're not looking.

And Society hasn't been kind about aging either.

We're told to erase the signs of living instead of celebrating them.

To treat wrinkles like flaws.

To pour thousands into injections and surgeries instead of presence and joy.

But I look my because because I am my age.

And that should be enough.

Every grey hair is a badge.  Every wrinkle, a receipt for the life I've lived.

Too many people never get the chance to wear that.

Still, sometimes I ache with longing.

I miss my past self.

The freedom.  The recklessness.

The magic of being young.

The moments I didn't know were "lasts" until they were gone.

I wish I had taken more risks.  Been more patient.

Loved myself more.  Spent more time with the people who mattered.

Less time proving myself to the ones who didn't.

But this isn't a list of regrets.

It's a wish list.

A compass for the rest of my life.

Because I want to be 80 and say:

I lived.  Fully.  Unapologetically.

Thank you, Holly. (hollyatamillustration on Insta).  I needed to have this conversation with myself.  I just wish I had done it sooner.

Welcome 2023!

 I must say, 2022 went by very quick.  Quicker than I would have liked.  It is said that the older you get, the faster time goes.  I can attest to the fact that this is true.  I remember as a kid, wishing I was older so I could do this or that.  My parents would say, "Don't wish your life away".  But, I thought my life would be happier, more fulfilling when I was "older".  If I had known then, what I know now, I would have savored every single day of no responsibility....no worry about making sure bills are paid or how much gas or eggs cost.  Those were the days.

Recently, I put a little color in my hair.  When my hair grew back after chemotherapy, it came in grey.  I don't hate grey hair, but I was just tired of looking at it.  I wanted something different.  So, I went to a real salon and had some light color...just a very light brown with a bit of purple added to it.  You can't really tell there is purple, but it just highlighted the grey.  In the sun, you can still see the grey.  I love it.  But, my husband asked me if I was having a mid life crisis.  I had to laugh.  I'm about to turn 58 in 11 days.  I've got news for him....I am way past mid life.  I'm over the hill and down the road a bit.  I mean, how long does he think I'm going to live?  

I tell you all of this just to let you know what my goals are for this year.  My goal is simply to live each day as it comes.  To do my best to see a little good in every day.  To not be so quick to judge people or circumstances, but to let things play out.  To take better care of myself.  To put me first often.  To do the things that make me happy.  I've seen all over social media that people are choosing a "word" for the year.  I've chosen the word BREATHE.  I'm going to concentrate on taking slow, deep breaths several times a day.  I'm going to take a breath before I speak.  I'm going to try to not be so impulsive...with my thoughts and definitely with my mouth.  I'm going to spend more time outside, walking and enjoying nature (such that it is in Florida in the middle of summer).  And, I'm going to try and laugh more...at myself and at life in general.  

As I type all of that, it seems like a lot.  I tried to have a small goal so that it would be easier to attain.  We shall see. I hope, if you're reading this, that you have some goals of your own for this new year.  My advice to you is to try and do something that makes you happy each day.  It shouldn't matter if your single, married, divorced, separated or widowed, a parent or childless.   Do something for yourself every day.  You can not give fully to others if you are depleted.  

So take a deep breath and enter 2023 with the energy and anticipation of that child you used to be all those years ago.  

Happy New Year!