Do you ever feel like you are standing on the outside looking in at your own life? I'm living my life. Things are happening to me. I'm living, breathing...being. Yet, it feels like it's someone else. I don't feel like me. I feel like a visitor...and outsider. I feel so disconnected to myself. Nothing seems familiar.
Nathan is totally gone. His room is empty...well, actually, we've moved Amelia in there. He is really and truly gone. It doesn't seem possible that 19 years have passed that quickly. Where did the time go? Oh, if only I could go back....go back to the year 2000. I would do so much differently! Everything differently! I wish there was a way to go back to that time and slow it down.
I have no words for the emptiness I feel....no words for the unfamiliarity of this situation. I feel so out of my element....a little like I'm living someone elses life.
Sleep. I need to sleep. I don't feel anything when I sleep.
