I'm still here, in this place that I don't recognize. It kind of reminds me of a song from 30 plus years ago called "Land of Confusion". It's just where I am right now. I am a stranger in my own life. It's me, it's my life, my house, my family, my reflection in the mirror. But, I don't belong here. It's all wrong. It feels all wrong.
I'm done riding this ride. I want to get off. I want to go home, where things are as they should be...where things are familiar and feel right. Where I belong. Then, and only then, will I be able to truly relax, truly feel safe. To be able to inhale deep and long, and exhale all those things that aren't mine. All those things that aren't me. To be able to truly breathe, that's what I want most of all.
But, as the song says, "This is the world we live in and these are the hands we're given, use them and let's start trying, to make it a place worth living in."
As I'm typing this in Blogger, on top of the page is the name of this Blog...."Finding My Joy in the Journey". I remember knowing that this is what I wanted to call it. It was a conscious decision.
Just so you know, I have yet to find any joy.
