St. Andrew Christmas Novena

My life is sometimes chaotic.  I have 3 kids...18, 14 & 13.  Teenagers.  Enough said. 

Sometimes I feel like a maid, a cook, a taxi driver, a teacher, a doctor/nurse, therapist, disciplinarian, a judge and yes....sometimes I even feel like a parole officer!  In the end, it's all good.  I'm tired, and gray haired but there isn't anything special about that.  Aren't we all tired?  And if we live long enough, we'll all be gray. 

I try to do all sorts of things leading up to Advent.  Then, during Advent, I try to do many more things.  Let's face it, it's a busy time of year.  Some years I'm more successful at pulling these "things" off.  More times than not, I suck.  I'm a colossal procrastinator and I rarely finish anything I start.  You have no idea how many journals and planners I've begun on January 1st....and lost interest on the 3rd.  Too many to count.

This is going to be one of those "leaner" years.  I'm simply out of steam.  Thankfully, my kids are older and require a lot less fuss.  Still, Advent has always been and always will be, a spiritual thing.  Contemplating the time in history when the Son of God was born, in the flesh, is significant and this fact tends to get "overlooked" by most. 

Sometimes, I just sit and stare at the manger scene.  It fascinates me.  I try to imagine being there...what it might have been like.  For me, as a Catholic, what happened on Christmas and what happened on Easter, is everything.

So, in light of all of that, I want to share with you today a simple way of preparing for Christmas.  I say simple, because it is and it's all that I'm going to do this year.  Really.  Of course we have traditions that we will always do (St. Nicholas Day, Advent Wreath, decorations, baking etc), but this will be the ONE THING that I will do for myself.  Give yourself the favor of praying a Christmas Novena.

Right Where I'm Supposed To Be!

On occasion, quite by accident, I find myself exactly where I'm supposed to be!  For instance, tonight I attended the first of a 22 week study of the Gospel of John at my parish called, "Touching The Divine".  This is the third year that our parish has offered a study from the Walking With Purpose series of scripture studies.  I have avoided the last two years for no particular reason...just couldn't be bothered, I guess.  There is always something else more important or more pressing.  I don't know why I decided to jump in this year.  But I did.  And the very moment I walked in the door, I knew I was supposed to be there.

Lately, I have been ready to burst with emotion.  I have so much heaviness on my heart that it sometimes feels like I can't breathe.  At this particular time and place, my vocation as wife and mother seems especially  burdensome...at least that's how it  feels.  Admittedly, I'm a failure at both.  My middle child is struggling and I don't know how to help her.  I'm watching our family implode as we deal with the day to day effects of a problem that has not even really been named.  I don't know what to do next.  I live minute to minute anticipating the next fire that needs to be put out.  It's exhausting.  The situations used to be simple to handle, but they are becoming more and more complicated.  They have taken on a very serious tone and I'm scared.  The only thing I know to do is to pray.  Honestly though, I feel abandoned.  Like He isn't even hearing me.  I am desperate.   I have begged and pleaded.  Nothing.  Just more worry and fear.

The Gospel of John has always been a favorite of mine.  I was once told that it is the "Gospel of Love'.  Perhaps that is why I've been drawn to it.  In any case, after walking into Kohl's Hall, I instantly knew God has heard me.  In my desperation, God has brought me to John.

                   "I am God's beloved daughter.  I belong to the Lord.  Nothing will take away God's love
                    for me.  There is nothing I can do that is beyond the scope of His mercy."

What a relief!

Perhaps I am not really a failure...not as a wife or a mother.  Perhaps He is in control no matter what my circumstances look like...no matter how hopeless my situation seems.  Perhaps this scripture study...with all 60-70 other women in attendance....is where I am supposed to be.  There is something for me here...a branch....a lifeline....hope.

Please pray for my daughter, Amelia.  Pray for me, as a mother, that God will give me the wisdom to know what to do, how to help her.  Pray for a hedge of protection around my family....around my marriage.  Pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding.  Peace.  Yes.  I will pray that for you too.