I've been doing my best to keep it together. My son graduated from high school last week. It's been very busy. My Goddaughter also graduated, so there was that. And, I had to attend a baby shower for the daughter of one of my best friends. Yes, it's been busy. I've had to dress up, be nice and smile a lot over the last week.
I think it's strange that I had no emotion whatsoever when my son crossed the stage and received his diploma. I didn't even tear up....which makes no sense since all I've done lately is cry. I did feel pride...just like all the other parents there, but there were no tears. Maybe, it just hasn't hit me yet. He's moving out too. Yep, he and two friends are moving into a house that one of the guys mother owns. They went there yesterday to do some cleaning. New carpet is being laid today. It won't be long now before he is all moved out. Again, no emotion.
Maybe it's like a pressure cooker and one of these days soon, it'll blow. I don't know. Still just going through the motions, I guess. I wish I could feel some happiness, some contentment.
The only good news was, I had 4 days off from work (including Memorial Day). It was nice not to have to get up at o dark thirty. But, we had another horrible thing happen in our house (I won't go into the details), but sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to just torch the entire house and start over.
I feel a panic attack coming as I type this. Feeling slightly nauseous and like I need to have diarrhea. I'm the only one in the office at the moment...and I can't tell if that's a good or a bad thing.
Amelia finished school last week also. Olivia is the only one still going as her last day isn't until the 31st.
Amelia starts work/camp today...and Olivia starts her gymnastics camp on the 10th. Nathan is going to help me with dropping them off and picking them up. I really need a break.
Nothing new to report....it's the same emptiness, same despair, same brokenness....just a different day.
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